Last Chance.

Dawn was breaking.

As I observed the familiar surroundings that I would never see again, a sour sense of loss rose into my throat.

I thought I had long since come to terms with the fact that I would never return here, to this school as a student again. Still, I remember the tearful farewells of the day before – embraces shared with close friends and polite handshakes with others. I lowered my head and sat down on the spot that I had been standing on, hugging my knees and playing with my overgrown hair.

The school grounds were silent. It was unsettling how the gates of the school were open at such an early hour, but I had disregarded this and strolled about, wondering why I didn’t see her the day before.

A thought rose into my consciousness as I unwittingly withdrew a single strand of silvery hair from my head.

_______ and her long, flowing hair-

I stood up and dusted my legs. I had to see her, no matter what. She was what made my world go round all these years. I spun on the spot and walked briskly, resolutely. This was my last chance to see her, talk to her, and to tell her that I-

_______ and her soft brown eyes-

I just could not let this opportunity slip by. I simply could not afford to. I would leave for Australia the next day, and I may never see her again after that, never-

_______ and her radiant smile-

I broke into a run. I would never let this last chance go.

The nearby park is a favourite haunt of lovers, especially when dusk sets in. Now, sunlight filtered through the canopy of leaves above me as I slowed into a trot. I remember the Saturday mornings we met ever so often – I would be jogging on the concrete track and she would be under a tree when I passed by. It was her favourite spot. Every time I passed by her, I would stop, sit down beside her and go hey. She would give a start and tell me off for scaring her out of her wits. I would laugh it off and chat randomly with her. Every precious moment spent with her was a gem.
I stopped when I passed by the same tree that she would be under each Saturday. She was not seated this time; she was standing, leaning on that same old tree. Careful not to show my emotions, I walked up to her and called softly, “Hey.”

Startled, she turned around to face me. It was clear she had been crying: her face was streaked with dried tears and her eyes were red and puffy. She must have had a sleepless night too. Even with her puffy eyes and dark rings under them, _______ was still beautiful as ever.

She seemed lost for words, and there was something more than shock displayed on her face. I suddenly realised that this was the first time that we had been so close to each other. Being shy, we did not venture into anything too intimate; we simply took advantage of any freedom we had, and with sheer luck, spent time together.

_______ was the first to break the silence between us.

“I couldn’t think of what to give you as a farewell gift,” she said.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.”

She ignored this. Instead, she looked up at the sky. Above us, it was suddenly dark. Grey, calumnious clouds were forming in the heavens. We were alone now, it seemed.

Out of the blue, a strong gust of wind shook the trees so that leaves flew from their stems and onto the ground. As the wind howled, _______let out a small shriek. Instinctively I put my arms around her; it was as if my body wanted to protect her from anything. Concerned, I turned to her.

We were almost nose to nose.

Still, we leaned slowly towards each other, as if we were not close enough already.
However, before our lips met, I seemed to remember that people would disapprove of what we were doing. Moral expectations of society simply extinguished my desire to get as close to her as possible. I pulled away. “Sorry,” I said, my mind swimming. Her cheeks were pink.

“Well, I…thought I should say goodbye first, and so…” I shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, not knowing what to say.

“Um, so…I guess this is goodbye.” I finished lamely.

I turned, feeling somewhat crestfallen about how this has turned out. It was not supposed to be like this, this was not the way it was supposed to happen. I lowered my head.

“Wait!” she cried. “Don’t go…”

I turned back, stunned. _______ has never said that, never; all those times I waved cheerily when I needed to leave, she would simply allow a small smile and a smaller wave in return; a smile that would be sufficient to light up the whole world again, should everything melt into darkness. Yet…

“Don’t go,” she repeated. “Please…I don’t want you to go.”

All around us, rain had begun to fall. Soaked to the skin, I stood dumbfounded, looking every bit of the idiot that everyone made me out to be; that is, everyone but _______. She moved closer towards me.

After what seemed forever, I found my tongue. “But…why?” I said.

“Because…” she hesitated, then went on. “Because I love you.”

There was a very pregnant pause. Thunder rumbled in the distance.

“I…I love you too,” I admitted softly. “I’ve loved you ever since the first time we sat under this tree and talked about our lives.”

“That’s the silver lining I’ve been looking for,” she whispered; she moved up the last half inch so that our lips could touch, and then she was kissing me fiercely, and I was kissing back; everything is insignificant now, _______was the only real thing in the world. It was more than warm and pleasant; it was explosive; it was blissful oblivion. She held me close to her, her smooth hand caressing my cheek and my fingers running through her sweet-smelling hair. That kiss; hard but soft; fiery but cool- a warm sensation rose in my stomach; that of love and the burning desire to stay like this forever: locked in a tight embrace with her, our lips in contact with each other, touching softly. Lovingly. This was my last chance to say goodbye to her, and yet this is the last chance to prove my love, our love; so strong, so deep, yet so sad to never want to let go.

All this while, the rain pounded upon us; and still, I did not feel cold or wet; for I was basking in her warmth, totally absorbed, totally focused on her.

It seemed an eternity before we broke apart.

“You have to go, don’t you?” she whispered, looking anxious, and yet, sad. When I did not answer, she persisted: “Don’t you?”

Lost for words once more, I gave an affirmative nod.

“Then promise me something…”

Curious, I looked at her questioningly.

“Promise me…that we’ll see each other again.”

“I…I promise,” I said, in spite of myself.

The rain has become a light drizzle; the sun showed itself once again, peeking from behind the clouds.

“Look, a rainbow,” said _______ pointedly. I turned to look. Sure enough, a long colourful ribbon stretched across the horizon.

She took my hand in hers and rested her head on my shoulder, despite my shirt being dripping wet. “Can we go out in it, for the first and last time?”

“Sure, if you like.” I said. I was suffused with some sort of bittersweet joy; I had succeeded in making sure that I gave the love of my life a final goodbye, but our relationship would be so short and fleeting. How cruel life is, in my last chance in doing something of such importance.

I had won, but I had lost.



I'm grown up now.
Just to revive my blog, this one.
Bye.